A run-of-the-mill taxi man has rambled incessantly to bored passengers about the current state of the economy, the EU bailout, and the lack of sunshine.

The driver was described as of average height, middle–aged, balding, slightly overweight and smelling strongly of bitterness and cynicism. Having picked up an unsuspecting couple on Westmoreland Street and beginning to bring them arseways to their destination, he launched into an ignorant and insufferable tirade of bullshit.

“Oh Christ, I’d have fucking walked if I’d known how much shite he was going to spew at us” said the female passenger. We have no quotes from the male that was with her, because he seemed very quiet. We wanted to ask him questions but we weren’t sure if he was her brother or husband or what, so we just left it.

“He said the government should have taken all the money and kept it in a giant mattress instead of the banks. Then he said the banks should all be turned into sperm banks because he once knew of a woman who couldn’t have children so apparently there’s ‘millions’ more like her in the country.

"He said the EU bailout was 'a joke' and asked why the EU can’t 'just fuck off and mind their own business'. I didn’t even say a word in reply. Finally, as you’d expect, he said it – ‘I’m not racist but...’ – the natural precursor to a racist comment.

"He blamed black people for the recent snow. Christ knows why. In fairness though, he let us off with a euro at the end, so he wasn’t that bad I suppose”.

It is thought that the driver is considering phoning in to Joe Duffy one of these days in preparation for running for election so he can get this country back on track.

Mark Walsh