Irish parents will be breathing a sigh of relief with news of a stop-gap Christmas problem solver.

'Santy-Saviours', a moneylenders turned rental outfit, are plugging themselves as parents' answer to circumvent the recession, by offering toys on fortnightly rental.

Ed Smatcher, a German mogul expat living in Athlone, is the entrepreneur behind the venture.

''This is not about money for me,'' explained Herr Smatcher.
''Like all Good Germans, I invested wisely during the boom years, exercising spendthrift as a general rule.
I see how desperate the Irish people have become; there is even talk of killing off Herr Santa Clause because people do not have the Marks to buy presents. I have the solution.''

''You come to my toy market. All toys are available on short term lease for up to two weeks. You tell little boys and girls to keep toys safe in house, and after two weeks you return to me. You tell little boys and girls toys were taken by a thief in the night. It's a win-win situation: the little children get their Santa toys, and you pay fraction of real price.

Of course there are risks inherent to the rental game : if toy is damaged when we come to collect, we take item of corresponding value, like your car.''

Another ''industry'' set for change is the much-maligned Church. In an effort to combat dwindling mass attendances nationwide, in the run up to Christmas the Church has decided to allow alcohol to be served at mass, in a move entitled ''Alcohol Inclusive''.
Alcohol menus will be given out before the mass commences with Pint bottles of Cider and naggins of Vodka set to be the biggest sellers. Ushers will be moonlighting as barmen, serving in between the first reading and the Gospel, and collecting glasses during the cash collection.
Students across the country are rejoicing at the move as the “longest half hour of your life” will now pass quicker with the advent of alcohol and will allow them to get the cure after the previous night’s antics.
One student who is dragged to mass every Sunday against his will and despite being an atheist says he will now enthusiastically attend mass because he can “black out” with over indulgence of Bulmers.
The church hopes that they can lure the youth of Ireland back to mass and then keep them attending through more interactive and interesting sermons while eventually phasing out the alcohol.

Regular church goers who have an average age of 70 are said to be outraged at the move as the sacred words of the priest will be interrupted by the sound of vomit and random football chants.
The first night of Alcohol Inclusive mass across the country will be on Christmas Eve and it will definitely not be boring as there will now be skirts, beer and maybe a fight or two.