Fianna Fail’s spokesperson for Finance, Brian Lenihan has said today that AIB managing director, Colm Doherty’s golden handshake “could have been worse.”

The previous Minister for Finance tried to calm down his outraged nation by assuring the public that €3 million was us getting off lightly. “Ah come on now lads, it could‘ve been much worse, like he could‘ve got €10 million.”

Lenihan has also stated that the reason the former managing director didn’t get more was Lenihan’s work. “You know, I actually prevented him from getting more. I‘m the hero,” he said. “I was the one who limited his salary so I‘m the reason he only got €3 million,” he said. “Everyone should be relieved and grateful. But instead they just think that €3 million is still too much and say I should‘ve taken away his other entitlements. They pick on the one thing I forget to do, it‘s not fair.”

Lenihan went on to demonstrate his abilities as a fortune-teller by predicting the public’s feelings of anger. “I think…yes…the public will be…angry, at the payout.” He is also considering a permanent job in this area. “Well finance clearly isn‘t working out for me, stick that with Fianna Fail and you‘ve got basically unemployment, except of course I do get a salary and a pension but it‘s the principle really.”

Current Finance Minister, Michael Noonan says this is probably a sign something should change. “First of all let me point out, this was the last government‘s fault. We didn‘t do this, we don‘t do anything wrong because we‘re Fine Gael,” he said.

“Secondly, I believe this is probably too much money but I‘m not bothered doing anything with that particular situation, but sure we‘ll try and make sure it doesn‘t happen again. No promises though, this job is hard, like!”

Jenny Darmody