The only one who can save us

Popular television puppet, Bosco, has this week announced his/her intention to run for Irish presidency. Following on from some irrelevant poll asking morons what they thought, it became clear that the voting public have decided that Bosco would be their ideal presidential candidate.

The news came as a shock to Bosco, who emerged from his/her box and signaled intentions to throw his/her hat into the presidential ring.

Judging from the colour of his/her cheeks, Bosco felt quite embarrassed by the evident popularity.

“If Bosco is what the public want, then Bosco is what the public will get. I’ve been laying low for the past few years, but I can’t ignore the wishes of my people. I’ve seen what’s been happening in this country recently and I could only describe it as uafásach. I’ll be happy to run for presidency to represent all the little boys and girls.”

When questioned about his/her political allegiances, Bosco issued a typically charismatic response, asking the country to rally behind him/her and face our destiny together as a nation: “Knock knock, open wide, see what’s on the other side. Knock knock, any more, come with me through the Magic Door.”

Bosco has since received backing from several acclaimed Irish celebrities and political figures, including Ray D’Arcy, Dustin, Jedward, and Socky. Zig and Zag were unavailable for comment, possibly due to their impending court case over charges of drunk driving.

Gay Byrne, also rumoured to be running for presidency, responded in typically Mammy-ish style to the news, responding in his lovely leprechaun voice: “higgledy-piggledy, top o’ the mornin’ to ya, delira and excira, lovely weather out there, cuppa tea, packet of tayto, couple o’ pints but not before driving, one for everyone in the audience, go raibh mile maith agat.”

Mark Walsh
www.walsho.net