Economic experts have ascertained that bathing in euro notes is now cheaper than running a bath.
The water charges have caused quite a wave in recent times in the country, but financial experts have uncovered a clever way of beating the fee.
“We’ve been carrying out tests for the last few months to see the financial extent that the water charges are taking amongst families in their homes, and we’ve concluded that it makes more fiscal sense to use actual legal tender to clean ourselves than water.”
Our expert has said that, although substituting clean running water with actual money will be far from cheap, it will eventually represent the lesser of two evils.
“Cash can be reused after having naked bodies cleansing themselves with it, but it’s not quite as desirable when it’s handed over dripping with human perspiration and filth. Over time this will see the value of money drop and eventually water, or H20, will become the more valuable commodity.” said one of Irelands most respected economists.
It is unclear whether this measure is being officially endorsed by the current Government, but our expert says the concept is something that Taoiseach Enda Kenny and his cohorts have been indulging in since his inauguration in 2011.
“Well, the Cash Bath is a ritual that’s been running in the Dail since Bertie and the Celtic Tiger, but Enda isn’t one to be outdone when it comes to this type of thing.”
Unfortunately, however, our national number crunchers have so far not unearthed a viable substitute for drinking water.
“The best advice we can give people is to only drink water when it is absolutely necessary. The hang over from the Celtic Tiger has bred a generation that demands things instantly.”
The Government has assured people that going a few days without water will only kill off the weak so that the stronger and more adaptable can restore the country to it’s former glory.