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Aras an Uachtarain bombarded with CVs

Sean Gallagher: 'Look at my face. Want to punch it? Well you can't.'

The race for those seeking presidential nomination is well underway and who knows who will succeed in their quest. No one young, that’s for sure. “Well we can‘t have anyone under 35 going for the presidency ‘cause they‘re stupid, you see,” said a government spokesperson. “They‘ll want to reduce government wages and increase employment for graduates and all the young people. We can‘t have that.”

Michael D Higgins was already selected as Labour’s candidate and is officially in the race. He beat Barnardos CEO, Fergus Finlay, by 19 votes and Head of Advocacy and Communications with the National Cancer Society, Kathleen O’Meara, by 30 votes. “Sure what do children and cancer patients need? Irish people need more poetry. It‘s much more important,” said Higgins.

When Avril Doyle was asked about her reasons for seeking nomination, she said she was bored and wanted to do something different. “Well after doing the Senator thing, the TD thing and the European Parliament thing, I thought to myself, ‘what’s left?’ Then it hit me, President of Ireland; that‘ll look good on the aul’ CV.” The former TD commented on her recent decision to enter the race. “Basically I did it to piss off that bitch Mairead McGuinness. She’s constantly trying to get one over on me.”

Pat Cox has just been granted membership into Fine Gael in a bid to seek their nomination. “I‘m a genius, it looks good that I want to join, everyone loves a converted man. Also with so many people seeking the Fianna Fail nomination, I‘ll just slip by as the only Fine Gael candidate…what? Loads are going for the Fine Gael one? Ah shit.”

A journalist that covered the GE11 says those seeking nomination reminds him of the Wicklow count centre during the election, “It‘s like the circus I witnessed in Wicklow, every Tom Dick and Harry are throwing their hat in the ring. Failed politicians, journalists and yer man off the telly.”

Sean Gallagher, one of the entrepreneurs from Dragon’s Den is seeking nomination from four city and county councils. “Sure, I‘m awesome at everything, all Cavan men are. I‘m clearly the favourite dragon. I hate losing and I never do things I hate. Therefore, I will win. Game on.”

Jenny Darmody

 

 
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Topless Ukraine activist grabs Euro Cup

(Reuters) - A Ukrainian women's rights activist stripped to the waist and seized the Euro-2012 soccer trophy while it was on public display in Kiev on Saturday in a protest against the forthcoming month-long championship.

 
The young woman, 23-year-old Yulia Kovpachik, is a member of the Kiev-based Femen women's rights group which believes the Euro-2012 soccer tournament being played in Ukraine next month will encourage sex tourism.
 
Kovpachik strode up to the silver, 60 centimeter (two feet) high trophy, which was on display as a tourist attraction in an open air exhibition in central Kiev, ostensibly to be photographed alongside it like hundreds of other sightseers.
 
But she then pulled down her red T-shirt to reveal the words "Fuck Euro 2012" scrawled on her torso. As she grabbed hold of the cup with both hands, she was seized by security guards, who appeared to have had advanced warning of the protest.
 
They covered her with a sheet and took her off to a waiting police car.
 
The protest appeared to be the first action in a campaign against the championship by Femen which regularly stages bare-breast protests in Ukraine - and sometimes beyond - to highlight what it sees as political injustice, social abuse and the exploitation of women in Ukraine.
 
Femen says Euro-2012, which Ukraine is co-hosting with Poland next month with the final in Kiev on July 1, will be a magnet for sex tourists - one of the group's main targets - and will feed a booming sex industry.
 
About one million foreign tourists are expected in Ukraine for the Euros.
 
Organisers said the 8 kg (17 lbs) Henri Delaunay cup was undamaged though Kovpachik appeared to topple back under its weight as security guards seized her. It was still on show in late evening.
 
Femen's spokeswoman, Anna Gutsol, said Kovpachik, who staged the protest on her 23rd birthday, was released after being told she would have to appear in court on Monday on a charge of hooliganism. The charge carries a maximum fine of 800 hryvnias ($100) and 15 days detention.
 
Conscious of Ukraine's growing reputation as a new destination for sex tourism, Euro-2012 organisers say they are taking steps to curb prostitution during the month-long tournament.
 
After Kovpachik's protest, Femen activist Olexandra Shevchenko told reporters: "We came here today to stop this Euro fan low-life from making a bordello out of Ukraine."
 
City authorities have mounted the trophy in a temporary exhibition area on Kiev's Independence Square.
 
Hundreds of sightseers were queuing up under the blazing sun for souvenir photographs alongside it when Kovpachik staged her demonstration.
 
Independence Square itself will be the centre of a huge 'fan-zone' during Euro-2012, capable of holding tens of thousands of football supporters.

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