Okay, back to work!

Workers at Apple's outsourced dank squalor in China, Foxconn, were given an "exceptional''
half-hour break to watch Steve Jobs' funeral via webcast this week, but the token gesture eventually proved pointless as an ill-timed Internet crash meant they were immediately put back to work.

It was felt within the Apple hierarchy that it would only be right if the slaves at Foxconn be given the opportunity to witness his funeral, given how Jobs (or ''Your Highness, Mr Bogey-Boss Man Sir'' to them) had helped give such deep meaning to their lives, and to finally put a face on their mysterious Master.

After an Apple goon had eventually convinced them that they would neither be fired nor docked ''wages'' for accepting the invitation, they hesitantly agreed, seeing it as a unique opportunity to rest their joints as much as anything else.

A limited number of cigarettes and sesame sticks were provided for (the costs for which will be incrementally deducted from their 'wages').

The funeral was to be watched via Skype on an iPad, which in itself added to the lustre of the occasion: the workers craft the machine components by hand but are generally strongly discouraged from touching a completed model.

The illumination of the iPad was met with audible ‘’ooohing and aaaahing’'; the glare also forcing many to shield their unaccustomed eyes.

The connection was soon lost, however, and the internet ‘‘just basically went down.’’

This was vaguely explained to the workers, many of whom were too transfixed on the machine to comprehend the technicalities of the matter. They shuffled back to the plant floor, quietly eager to return to work and ill at ease with the abrupt break from routine.

The ten lost minutes are expected to be accounted for over the coming weekend.

Paul Morrissey