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America outraged as money continues to leak into gulf of Mexico

Americans have expressed outrage as liquid money continues to spill into the Gulf of Mexico. President Barack Obama’s popularity has plummeted as ‘No they can’t (stop it)’ proves a much less impressive slogan than ‘Yes we can.’

An explosion on board a BP oil rig in April killed 11 workers and has led to a huge slick of oil washing up on the eastern coast of the USA.

But even more importantly, it is costing an oil company millions of dollars per day. “This has become one of the biggest tragedies in American history,” said Obama, speaking in a slow, deliberate and what he hoped was charismatic tone, yesterday.

“Every day, hundreds of barrels worth of lovely money is flowing out of the broken oil main and into the sea.

“At this time, all of our thoughts are with the unfortunate shareholders of British Petroleum, who will be seeing greatly reduced dividends as a result of their company’s failure to observe proper safety standards and have any clue as to how they would deal with an accident.

A spokesperson for BP said “As you can imagine, we’re all very upset at the thought of all these profits disappearing into the sea but what’s done is done. It’s time to move on.

“Oh and the environment and the wild life and all that as well, yes. That’s unfortunate.”

The spokesperson said that following numerous failed attempts to stop the leaking pipeline, they were now considering “Just pretending it isn’t happening. It’ll leak itself out within a few years anyway.

“There’s plenty of other places we can drill in the meantime. I’m sure Sarah Palin could sort us out for a few permits in Alaska.” 

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Miami named most miserable U.S. city

(Reuters) - Warm sun, white beaches, and million-dollar mansions notwithstanding, Miami has captured the dubious distinction of being the most miserable city in the United States, according to a new poll.

The playground of the rich and famous is home to a crippling housing crisis, one of the highest crime rates in the country, and lengthy daily commutes for workers, all of which have propelled it to the No. 1 position in the Forbes.com list.

"Miami has sun and beautiful weather but other things make people miserable. You have this two-tier society: glitzy South Beach attracts celebrities, but the income inequality has skyrocketed in recent years," explained Forbes Senior Editor Kurt Badenhausen.

The rankings are based on factors including jobless rates, violent crime, foreclosures, income and property taxes, as well as considerations like weather, commute time and political corruption.

Reeling for decades from the decline of the U.S. auto industry, Michigan's troubled duo of Detroit and Flint registered at No. 2 and No. 3, respectively, among the most miserable cities.

"Detroit and Flint are struggling," said Badenhausen. "Violent crime is highest in the country in Detroit; housing prices are down 55 percent. Detroit is closing schools and laying off policemen. In recent years they have been demolishing houses to change their city landscapes"

West Palm Beach, Florida and Sacramento, California rounded out the top five cities.

"We're trying to judge cities where residents have a lot of complaints. It doesn't mean that there aren't terrific things there," he said.

And for the haves Miami's charms remain undiminished.

"The one percent in Miami is doing fantastic. But for the vast majority, who make less than $75,000 (a year), Miami can be a challenging place," he said. "Forty-seven percent of homeowners sit on underwater mortgages. That's tough."